Let's Be Real

More than 2 years post autism diagnosis, our lives have changed so much!  LJB is in pre-school for 4 hours every day.  He receives Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, and Behavioral Therapy at both pre-school and with our private therapists.  These saints (a.k.a. therapists) have worked magic with my child!  I don’t know what we would do or where we would be without them.

All of his progress is great, but can I be real with you?  Let's just be real.

Before we were thrust into this world of therapies and home visits, I was always so concerned with making sure that things were just so before we had company.  I would never have let someone in the door of my home if the floors hadn’t been swept, the toilets scrubbed, all surfaces dusted, etc.  I made sure everything was in its place and perfectly tidy before we had guests.  This has all gone out the window.  At our behavioral therapist’s last visit, there was a pile of day old dishes in the sink, the couch was covered in a thin layer of cat hair, LJB’s dirty clothes were in the living room floor, and there were tooth paste smears in the sink.  I just didn’t have the energy to pretend any more. Our life is chaotic and my house is messy.

You know what? She never batted an eye.

In the new year, I’m working hard on being real.  Stop pretending; stop fussing over the things that don’t matter.  There were dirty clothes in the floor because I spent an extra 10 minutes that morning snuggling my boy.  The dirty dishes?  Yeah, that’s because after a full day of work and a therapy appointment, I managed to cook a nutritious meal for my family.  What can I say?  The tooth paste is evidence that after more than a year of meltdowns and interventions, LJB will actually let me brush his teeth (most days).  The cat hair is from the cat that brings comfort to an overwhelmed 4 year old after a day of big demands, working harder than 95% of the adults I know. I wouldn’t change a thing about that mess.

So, if you come to my house – and you’re always welcome- just know it’ll be real.  I won’t be pretending.  There will probably be dishes in the sink and a mess in the living room. 

On a related note, I’m trying to be more real and let Lennon make relationships on his own terms.  I’m retiring my helicopter wings and leaving him to play.  This is possibly the hardest thing I’ve done since I became a parent.  Letting him go and watching him struggle to talk to friends is so hard.  When his friends, cousins, care givers, etc. give too many verbal instructions, or ask too many questions, LJB’s brain stops working.  He gets so frustrated.

Typically LJB will try one time to use words to let someone know that he is becoming overwhelmed.  However, this usually just sounds rude to someone who doesn’t understand that when he yells, “STOP TALKING!”  what he really means is, “The words are coming out of your face faster than they can be processed by my brain.”  After that one chance, he resorts to some of the old behaviors that we are trying so hard to extinguish.  He throws things, becomes self-injurious, cries, hits, etc.  I try staying away, letting him work it out.  But it is hard.

So I’m not going to pretend like it’s easy to be real and to let go BUT since I began making the effort I’ve been less stressed.  I’ve learned that those that love us, love us no matter what my house looks like or how many times LJB tells them to “STOP TALKING!”  The mess can wait, it’ll be there tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll be snuggling my boy and his kitty, we'll be having our home cooked dinner on the couch, and watching the Lego Movie for the 10 billionth time.  This is real life.

“Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.  I’m {being real with my 4 year old} because babies don’t keep!”