Word to the Wise

I was trolling facebook the other day and there was a suggested link to a Huffington Post Parents article that caught my attention. Autism is not a parenting fail.  With a title like that, I had to read it and, boy, am I glad I did.  I'll tell you what, I've read it at least 3 times a day since then.  Brenda Rothman's words were exactly what I needed to hear that day.  It's my new mantra.  You should check it out.

I read the article aloud to Mr B.  We were both silent for sometime after.  It was just this sense of....I don't know....camaraderie....no....being understood?  Maybe.  It's hard to explain.  I think its hard to find words that describe so many moments in our lives.  This was one of those moments.  I swear she could have been a fly on the wall in our house during those early days.  My mommy radar was telling me, "something isn't right."  But everyone else was telling me otherwise.  Always listen to the mommy radar.

A few weeks ago, I spent the night out of town with my dear friend.  We were shopping for wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses.  Such a precious time.  I made many memories that weekend.  While in town, I also managed to squeeze in some QT with a dear friend I'd nearly lost touch with (and probably would have without FB).  When I was in college, I worked teaching the 2-year old class in a Mother's Day Out Program.  It was during my first school year teaching MDO that I met the P Family.  Susie and I clicked from the start and I fell in love with her mini-me...a quirky, smart, little 2-year old.  I remember the Thursday morning before Christmas break that Susie told me that sweet little peanut was on the spectrum.  I thought...there's no way!  She's so smart and she seems so capable.  Lord, I hope I didn't say the things that came to my mind, but I can't remember.  I just remember feeling the palpable heartbreak and fear and 5,000,000 other emotions that I wouldn't understand for 10 more years.

Fast forward and I am having that same tear-filled conversation with a day care staff 100 miles away.  I am on such a similar journey.  She knows my fears because the same ones kept her up at night, she knows the isolation, she knows teh sense of utter helplessness, she knows the joy and the awe that I experience daily.  She's never met my boy, but she knows.  How good it was to share coffee and break bread with someone who knows.

In other news, the B's have our fingers crossed for a visit from Gramma and Grandaddy this weekend.  Don't tell them , but if they decide they can't make it up north, we may take the crazy wagon down south to visit them.  LJB has his first in over a year visit to the dentist in the morning.  Last week was crazy between illnesses, injuries, and work meetings, but we survived and this week has already been less dramatic.  Next week LJB has his final evaluation for the Early Intervention program, a home visit from his new ABA therapist, and his pre-school evaluation.  All this schedule change will likely make us a flappy, echolalaic, pacing bunch of crazy...but I guess I'd rather get it all over with at once.  At least we can engage in kitty therapy at the end of every day : )

Thanks to the United Way!

I have been fortunate enough to work for companies that truly model a giving spirit. This past year, we benefitted from some of those gifts. I am a firm believer that you should always give credit where credit is due. 

 

I recently sent the below email to the United Way contact for the property management firm where Mr B and I both work. Please consider making a donation to the United Way!

 

Dear Meg-

 

For the past eight years, I have always participated in United Way giving campaigns, first while I worked as a banker and then for the past five years as a property manager. 

 

During the summer of 2012 I found myself in a position I could have never imagined.  My son, Lennon who was born in May of 2010 had developed fairly typically as an infant but by his first birthday, he began missing milestones.  By the time his second birthday was approaching, I was at my wit's end.  Lennon was not talking.  Some of the skills he had mastered were lost.  He rarely looked at me and was off in his own world most of the time.  He didn't interact with other children and had begun having severe temper tantrums.  My husband and I began living like hermits because Lennon was so predictably volatile in groups of people and public places that it was too stressful for all of us to even leave the house.  At his 2 year well-child appointment, we were referred to First Steps, Kentucky's Early Intervention Program, by his pediatrician.  First Steps was able to provide some support for us, but not enough.  Though all the therapists that evaluated Lennon suspected that he had autism, in order to have a diagnosis and qualify for more support, he needed an intensive level evaluation.

 

This type of evaluation is very costly and not covered by our insurance.  Thanks to funding from the United Way and some other groups, Lennon was able to have the evaluation at New Perceptions in Edgewood, KY.  The day his formal diagnosis came back was hard, but having the financial burden of the tests lifted off my shoulders made it easier to cope with.

 

Seven months later, Lennon is attending Redwood Rehab (also a United Way Recipient) in their inclusive pre-school program.  He has made many strides thanks to the therapy he has received and will continue to receive as a direct result of his intensive level evaluation that would not have been possible without donations to the United Way.  Additionally, in May, when he turns 3 and ages out of First Steps, he will attend a Summer program at Redwood to bridge the gap between early intervention services and school-age services for children with special needs.  This program is also funded at least in part by donations to the United Way. 

 

I am so thankful for the United Way and all the hard work that folks like you do to get funding for these programs.  I truly don't know where we would be right now if it wasn't for the support from the United Way!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

 

Yours Truly,

 

Leanna Bush

Isn't It Too Early For This?

When I was pregnant, I thought about all the cute little baby time, the exhausting toddler time (except that I had no idea just HOW exhausting these years would be), the funny tween years, and the rebellious teenager I was going to give birth to.  I spent 12 weeks on bed rest and spent a lot of time thinking.  I thought about how I would flawlessly implement time outs and never ever resort to corporal punishment, but I’ll be darned if swatting a little dimpled hand is not the first reaction when I’ve said, “no, that is mommy’s” 25 times and he reaches for the kindle anyway.  I thought about parent teacher conferences and how LJB was certainly going to be the smartest, most well-behaved kid in his class: Every teacher’s joy.  Of course he gets that from me : )  I imagined how heartbroken I was going to be when he asked me not to hug him in front of his friends for the first time.  I even planned out every syllable of my speech I was going to give when he broke curfew, or gave in to peer pressure, or God-forbid, he was the peer pressure. 

I thought I still had a few years before all that teenage angst stuff came. But, folks, I think this is one milestone we are going to hit early…too early.

LJB is picking up language pretty quickly these days.  He has started responded to questions at least 50% of the time.  This is great improvement, except I’m not sure I’m so fond of the attitude.

“LJB, give mommy a kiss.”

“No, no, no, no…” 

His voice trails off at the end of the sentence, all the while he is waving me off in a perfect talk-to-the-hand-motion.

“LJB, look at the _____.”

Without even turning his head to look, “Cool.” In a whatever tone.

Then, to beat all, he is IMPOSSIBLE to get out of bed in the mornings.  The routine is that Mr B and I get ready for work and then about 20 minutes before we need to walk out the door, We open LJB’s bedroom door so that the noises will help to rouse him.  If that doesn’t work in about 3 minutes, Mr B flips his light on.  LJB’s overhead light in his room is an old compact fluorescent and takes about 5 minutes to warm up to full brightness, so it’s not that abrupt.  Anyway, one morning this week, Mr B turns on the light.  About 30 seconds later, as I walk around the corner, I see LJB with squinty eyes and bed head, carrying his blanket Linus style.  He’s walks up to the light switch throws me a go-to-h-e-double hockey sticks look, flips off the light, and climbs back into his bed.  Isn’t it too early for this?

I was laughing so hard, tears were running down my face.  Never a dull moment.

My Next Thirty Years

In honor of my recent birthday, I am going to gift all of you one of my favorite things: A LIST.

Thirty things you might not know about me...Enjoy!

1. I love making lists.  I make packing lists before we go on vacation, I make grocery lists before I go to the store. I make lists of my favorite bands, the best concerts I've ever seen, my favorite movies. I make lists of hypothetical children's names even though I'm sure we are one and done. Making a good list makes me happy, happy, happy.

2. I despise putting away the laundry, especially hanging clothes. I will wear clothes out of the laundry basket for a month before I put them away.

3. For a while when I was a kid, I wanted to go by my middle name...yep I wanted to be called Elizabeth. As an adult I really like my first name, though. It's a little bit different, but not too different.

4. Mr B and I have regular Scrabble wars.  We love playing board games of any kind, but Scrabble is by far our favorite.  We are nerds.

5. It's no secret that I love to cook. But I bet you didn't know that while I cook I often pretend that I'm on a cooking show. I make goofy jokes and narrate the whole thing...can you say Next Food Network star? : )

6.  I have this goofy fear of sticking my hand in something I can't see, like the bottom of my purse, down in a chip bag, or under the couch.  Just.Can't.Do.It.

7. I love going to the grocery store.  I know this is a task that most people hate, but I look forward to it.

8. I buy a 12pack of diet Coke and hide it in my car so that my dear hubby won't drink it all. Every time I drink one I tell him I got it out of the vending machine at work.

9. When I'm sick or scared or anxiety ridden, I wish my Daddy could give me a big strong hug cause that always makes it better.

10. I don't hate all of LJB' s symptoms. For instance, I think it's adorable how he says "ready, steady, go" in a little British accent just like Kipper. Or when he gets really excited and flaps until I think he just might fly away.

11. I love the smell of bleach.  There is nothing better than warm bleached towels from the dryer.

12. I love it when I see someone else's kid misbehaving in public.  I feel a sense of camaraderie with that parent. I give them the secret handshake that all us parents who were taking home the naughty kids from the hospital learned and thank them for taking one for the team today. It's cool to be part of the club.

13. I am homesick. To be entirely honest, I have been homesick since the day my folks dropped me off at Blanding Tower 11 years ago.

14. I don't have a ton of girlfriends. I have a few close friends and I cherish them and I am content with that, but too many of them are too far away...

15. My best friend knew I was pregnant before my husband did.

16. I hate milk and most dairy products. I can choke down yogurt if I have to, but ice cream and cheese are the only dairy products I enjoy.

17. I have a serious crush on Jack White.  I love everything he has ever done, but the White Stripes are my favorite band of all time.  My favorite song is "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself."  If you haven't seen the documentary, "It Might Get Loud," you should check it out.  I bet you'll love him like I do : )

18. I have a fascination with the lives of the incarcerated.  I could watch hours and hours of "Locked Up" or any of the 1,000 other jail reality TV shows.

19. I don't wake up to an alarm clock.  Mr B and I have this crazy internal clock that wakes us up without fail by 7:00am: A blessing during the week and a curse on the weekend.

20. I don't care for spaghetti.  This is a big problem. Mr B loves spaghetti and would eat it at least once a week. I mean, I can eat it, but I would never choose to when there are other options.  I love other Italian foods....just not spag.

21. Every night Mr B and I play the same game with LJB.  One of us holds him trying to run away from the other who is trying to unleash a tickle attack.  We run back and forth from one end of the house to the other all the while LJB is squealing with delight, "Run away! Run away!"

22. My favorite movies are usually documentaries.  I love getting an idea of how other people live their lives.  Seeing how others navigate through this world fascinates me.

23. In addition to jail shows, I love watching smut TV.  In particular, I love Teen Mom.  When I spent 10 weeks on bedrest, I started watching it and I was hooked.  Some of those girls have overcome such tremendous odds and others are quite the train wreck.

24. My favorite cereal is Lucky Charms.  I love those little marshmallows.  : )

25. I secretly love when my kiddo wakes up on the middle of the night and I get to crawl into bed with him. Once he falls back to sleep, I just lie there and stare at him in awe of the perfect little creature that shares half my DNA.

26. I wanna be a hippie.

27. I can't wear heels.  I love them...I have many pair, but ever since LJB was born, my poor mom feet can't handle it.  This makes me sad.

28. I am a homebody.  Mr B and I would most often rather spend an evening playing Scrabble in our PJs than getting dressed up and going out on the town.

29. We love live music.  If we do go out on the town, Mr B and I will either go see a movie (our second favorite date) or we will go find some live music.  I never realized how much I loved it, until I started dating Mr B.

30. I don't hate autism.  Sometimes it sucks and sometimes I am entirely overwhelmed, but more often, I am in awe of LJB's brain.  His brain works so much more efficiently than yours or mine.  Instead of wasting thoughts worrying about social norms, he is raw and honest and pure.  It's amazing.  He's amazing. Autism has given me the opportunity to step back and evaluate our lives based on what really matters.

A Cat Person

Growing up, on any given day there were at least 4-5 semi-feral cats creeping around the barn in our backyard.  I would always make it my mission to catch the teeny-tiny little kittens when they were born every spring.  I loved going on those kitten hunts.  I would even convince my little brother or our favorite neighbors to help on my mission.  However, once I "caught" the kittens, I wasn't ever really interested in keeping one for a pet.  I always thought they were better suited living in the rafters of the barn and catching field mice to supplement their feed store cat food my dad sat out every day.

I've never been a cat person.  I was always far more interested in having a dog as a pet.

My sweet Marley-girl  - Best.Dog.Ever.

While visiting family for Christmas, LJB fell in love with the tom cat that adopted my sister's family.  He cried when we left the kitty at their house and headed home.  Over the course of a few hours with their cat, this  kiddo learned 2 new words with no pleading prompting from us.  For 2 days he was talking about "kitty" and "meow."

The more I thought about it, the aloof attitude of a cat (what always kind of turned me off to having a cat as a pet) is so similar to LJB.  He is wonderfully affectionate and warm, on his terms.  Much like a cat, he will climb up in my lap and seek out affection, but only when it suits him.  Maybe this is why he was instantly attached to my sister's cat.  I don't know.  But, I do know that this boy wouldn't stop talking about the kitty.

My last day of vacation for the holidays, I took LJB on a solo trip to the animal shelter.  Taking LJB anywhere without a second set of hands is always anxiety inducing.  I kept preparing him and telling him that we were going to get a kitty.  He would repeat "Kitty?"  "Yes, son, we are going to get a kitty for our house."  I bet we had this conversation 100 times during the 15 minute drive to the shelter.   When we arrived at the shelter, there was a lot of commotion in the lobby - pets coming and going, a flurry of volunteers, several potential pet owners filling out paperwork and asking questions.  I could feel LJB tense up as I held him and I feared he was going to lose it, so I repeated our conversation from the car ride, "Remember, we are looking for a kitty for our house."

As we made our way back to the "cat room," we lost the crowd and the commotion.  The room was full of meow-ing cages.  LJB slowly studied each animal as he walked down the aisle.  Then he stopped.  He stopped at the cage of the biggest, fattest, orange cat I have ever seen.  This cat was rubbing up against the bars of his cage and LJB was flapping away and squealing with delight.  This seemed to elicit even more vigorous rubbing and louder purring from this gargantuan feline.  A volunteer took this guy out of his cage and showed me a room where we could become acquainted with Mr Fat Cat.  As soon as the volunteer turned her back, LJB grabbed the cat's tail and drug him to the other side of the room before I could intervene.  The cat never even flinched.  No hissing, no scratching.  Right then, I knew this was the cat we were going home with.  It wasn't the one I had picked out from the photos of adoptable cats on their website.  He was older, and fatter, and orange-r than what I was looking for, but LJB really liked him and he seemed well suited to tolerate LJB.


This past week as a cat owner, I have learned a few important lessons.
1.  A littler box, like a dirty diaper, is gross.  However, it is less gross if you tend to it quickly.

2.  According to the vet, 15lbs is a healthy weight for Leon.  He has big bones.  I think I am going to have our vet contact my family doctor before I have to get on the scale again.

3.  Playtime with the kitty is better bribery than chocolate...and that is saying something.  LJB will try a little harder at therapy, get dressed for school with fewer tears, and even pick up his toys if he knows he gets some quality kitty-time afterwards.

4. Maybe, just maybe, this dog-person can be a cat lover too.  If Leon (our fat orange kitty) makes LJB that happy, I can't help but fall in love with him too.